The Pentecostal Church and The Holy Ghost Want You To Wear Pig Panties

Hysterical!

At one point, my Mother decided that I needed to be baptized. At first I was a little nervous, but the other kids who had been previously baptized assured me that it was no big deal. According to them, everyone would just go down into the basement where they had this big bathtub/pool sort of thing set up. Then Reverend Bud and I would go out into the middle of it, pray a little, and then he’d duck me under real quick. When I came up out of the water, I was supposed to hold my hands up and pray some more. Afterwards, everyone would come over to hug me and congratulate me. Piece of cake.

The day of my baptismal went almost exactly like this, except the kids had forgotten to relay to me one very pertinent piece of information: the water in the tub was fucking freezing. When I came up out of the water, hands obediently raised in the air, my teeth were chattering from the cold. The tub was also under a vent and the air conditioning was on full blast, so when the breeze hit me, my entire body started shivering uncontrollably.

“Look!” someone finally yelled, “V has got the Holy Ghost!”

I didn’t have the Holy Ghost. I was just fucking cold, but such a jubilant cheer burst forth from the crowd that I felt I had no choice but to go with it.

(Thanks PVC)

Daily Dose of Ingersoll

RobertGIngersoll.jpg

Science teaches that that which really is has always been, that behind every effect is the efficient and necessary cause, that there is in the universe neither chance nor interference, and that energy is eternal. Day by day the authority of the theologian grows weaker and weaker. As the people become intelligent they care less for preachers and more for teachers. Their confidence in knowledge, in thought and investigation increases. They are eager to know the discoveries, the useful truths, the important facts made, ascertained and demonstrated by the explorers in the domain of the natural. They are no longer satisfied with the platitudes of the pulpit, and the assertions of theologians. They are losing confidence in the “sacred Scriptures” and in the protecting power and goodness of the supernatural. They are satisfied that credulity is not a virtue and that investigation is not a crime.

Robert Green Ingersoll – “Myth and Miracle”(1885)