Augusta, GA is spending $3.2 Million to Guard Fire Hydrants from Terrorists



Fire hydrant or Weapon of Mass Destruction?

(everyone alltogether now) WTF?

AUGUSTA, GA. — Fear is a growth market. And you’re the buyer. Americans, seized by paranoia, will throw money at anything that promises to protect us from harm.

That’s why nobody blinked last week when the Augusta Commission approved a plan to spend $3.2 million over six years to defend the city’s fire hydrants from terrorist attack.

Seriously.

Two new employees will be hired exclusively to retrofit the hydrants with something called the Davidson Anti-Terrorism Valve, designed to keep foreign substances — anthrax, bubonic plague, cyanide, tennis balls — from entering the water supply.

There’s no evidence of such a threat, mind you, but Utilities Director Max Hicks decided the Davidson ATV was a good buy. “They are necessary to protect the system,” he says.

The “stealth” valve was invented in the 1970s by a Sunnyside, Ga., contractor, Tom Davidson, who wanted to keep juvenile delinquents from throwing rocks and bottles into the hydrants. No one wanted it then. He sat on the idea for years, not even bothering to file for a patent.

After 9/11, Davidson had an epiphany: If teenage punks could infiltrate the water supply, a terrorist could poison a city through its fire hydrants.

8 Comments

  1. Wow, talk about someone who’s cashing in on ‘fear’. The whole idea of poisoning a city via hydrants is ridiculous, it would take a coordinated effort to create a backflow situation that would be powerful enough to suck poison/foreign matter IN to a hydrant, and likely would require multiple hydrants to get it to work. Much less getting enough stuff in to make a difference down the line.

  2. actually the device was designed to prevent contaminated backflow from fire engines who may have dirty water in their tanks. sometimes it takes fear to get a good idea to the market. obviosuly the terrorist thing is crap.

  3. Alex Smith, I clicked on your link, and was directed to your site, and was subjected to its music.

    Fuck you.

    There is no goddamn reason why you should perpetuate this garbage. I can forgive a nazi, but a neo-nazi — fuck you. And your garbage music.

  4. Right now I’m blasting my music and fantasizing about having gay buttsecks with you, Eel Feather. Nothing turns me on like a warm, wet Eel Feather slipping its way up my rectum.

  5. LAUGH NOW, BUT WHEN THE TERRORIST ATTACK OUR WATER SUPPLIES, WE’LL BE THE ONES LAUGHING!!!

    I can seriously see them saying that.

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