About every two weeks, I have a reader who uses the same IP but a different name and email to voice their complaint. It started innocently enough one April evening when the reader had enough of the videos that I frequently post and decided to do something about it:
Name: Peter | E-mail: email@example.com | IP: 24.22.17.xx
This video was a complete waste of my time. I am going to stop visiting your blog unless you post things of interest and of value. Wasting 4 minutes of my time like this is not of value. Wise up and do not post every stupid video you come across.
Posted Apr 7, 5:56 PM
Away Peter went, satisfied that he had destroyed my will to blog.
“From now on, before Chris posts a video that I’m not interested in, he will think of my comment and tremble with fear,” Peter yells out triumphantly as he picks his nose searching for an after dinner snack.
Ten days later, Peter is back to find another YouTube clip.
“Impossible!” He screams as he kicks the table, nearly knocking over the glass of warm kitten blood he has freshly squeezed a few minutes earlier. “I voiced my criticism in the form of a comment. He has to abide by it.” Taking a deep breath, Peter comments again.
Name: Peter | E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org | IP: 24.22.17.xx
This blog used to post cleverness, but now too often it merely posts a video and expects us to waste 10 minutes of our time getting to the point. People donâ€™t have that kind of time.
This place is really going downhill.
Posted Apr 17, 4:08 PM
Peter chuckles to himself. He has changed his email from email@example.com to firstname.lastname@example.org. By dropping a consonant he has created a whole new persona. Chris didn’t pay attention to email@example.com but firstname.lastname@example.org is an email name to be reckoned with.
“Checkmate,” Peter says. He picks up the glass of kitten blood and puts it down in disgust. It took him an hour and 45 minutes to write that comment and another 15 minutes to use the spell checker. The glass of blood is now cold.
More than 2 weeks go by before Peter gets a chance to visit his favorite blog. It has been a rough time for Peter. He had been worried that he has impregnated his girlfriend but it turned out to be a false alarm. Luckily for Peter, humans and poodles can’t produce offspring together. He is now able to concentrate on more important things, like seeing if Cynical-C is still posting videos. The page begins to load. Google ad after google ad appears. Finally, the content appears. Peter finds himself staring at a Youtube video of Wozniak doing a commercial.
“This isn’t happening!” he tells himself. “THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! I’ve done everything I could to save this blog. I’ve written comment after comment and for the love of Xenu, THE VIDEOS ARE STILL THERE!” He flies into a rage, ripping his American Idol posters off the walls. “I TOLD HIM,” he screams as he rips Kelly Clarkson’s poster into shreds, “TO ONLY POST THE THINGS I LIKE!!”. He seizes a Clay Aiken poster from the wall and is about to rip it into two when he suddenly stops. He looks at the the smiling pop star and has an epiphany.
“Ah HA!” he shrieks. “Mr. Aiken, your handsome but effeminate good looks has given me the brainstorm I need to finally defeat my foe at Cynical-C. I will change my ENTIRE NAME!”
He sits down and starts pecking at his crusty keyboard feverishly, struggling to find the name that would command respect.
Name: Ben | E-mail: email@example.com | IP: 24.22.17.xx
This blog has really gone downhill. Instead of interesting, thoughtful, and reasoned commentary, all you post now are videos without comment, as if weâ€™re supposed to waste five minutes of our life to see what the point it â€” and usually, it is not that interesting of a point at all. You are failing in your role as editor and your blog is failing to be interesting. I will not be around much longer.
Posted May 5, 5:54 PM
He hits the submit button and refreshes to see if the comment has been posted correctly. And there it is. He starts chuckling to himself.
“Peter,” he says to himself. “This time, we have him.”
To be continued…