Should Christians Own Cats?

I have no idea if this is a spoof or not. I’ve heard crazier things from religious zealots so it’s difficult sometimes to separate religious fundies from people goofing on them:

Clearly, the Bible – by using this kind of terminology – shows beyond any reasonable doubt that the basic nature of cats, while created perfect by God, has become evil or ‘beastlike’ since the fall of Adam six thousand years ago, and more probably, since the Great Flood of Noah’s time (c2350 B.C.E.). This is a development of the condition borne by the ‘Original Serpent’, the ‘Great Dragon’ Lucifer himself. (Gen. 3:1) Indeed, modern studies of classification of cats, while not necessarily being reliable as they may be based on the discredited ‘theory’ of evolution, strongly associate felines with serpents (despite some external differences in physiology and morphology, which confuse those who do not study these matters deeply).

There are numerous reasons why a loyal dedicated servant of God should use his Bible-trained conscience to arrive at a proper understanding of why cats are not advisable as pets or companions for Christians. Consider, then, the following facts:

Additionally, cats practice many unclean habits not befitting a Christian household: coughing up fur balls, licking inappropriate body areas on their own bodies (inappropriate handling) and even, in some cases, on the bodies of their human owners (wrongful motive?), urination on the floor, vocal and blatant promiscuity (unknown to any other species, all others being endowed with Godly chastity and decorum) and widespread sexual misconduct without the benefit or sanctity of holy matrimony, even orgiastic practices, substance abuse of catnip (an intoxicating herb) which produces conditions akin to drunkenness, stealing food from the table, producing ungodly sounds, excessive playfulness and the employment of devices not known to have been used by Jesus, the conducting of its unholy business under the cover of the darkness of night, and so on. What sort of example does this give our young ones endeavoring to faithfully serve Jehovah? The Bible clearly shows that ‘neither fornicators .. nor thieves .. nor drunkards .. nor revilers .. will inherit the Kingdom.’ (1 Cor. 6:9-11)

7 Comments

  1. Only thing I can think of here, is that it seems odd for a jesusfreak to use the secular BCE… Agree with the nuts/spoof assessment — I mean, who would believe you if you told someone about Fred Phelp’s work, if they’d never heard of it elsewhere?

  2. Cats could’ve prevented the Bubonic plague….instead, because they were seen as agents of the devil, they were killed en masse in the 14th century, allowing rats to proliferate and spread the disease.

    It’s not the sole reason it happened, but it is one of them.

  3. I think it’s a spoof. Most of the things that make cats “evil” like “licking inappropriate body areas on their own bodies[…], urination on the floor, vocal and blatant promiscuity (unknown to any other species, all others being endowed with Godly chastity and decorum) and widespread sexual misconduct without the benefit or sanctity of holy matrimony, even orgiastic practices…” can easily be applied to dogs. In fact I would venture to say that all animals are “immoral” by Christian standards.
    On the other hand, I have known a few Catholics who hated cats because they were “evil”.

  4. Man. If we lived like these cherry-picking “Christians” wanted us to live, all we could do is sit in an empty room on a wooden straight-backed chair all day…people who live in fear are the only one’s who are continually trying to tell people what they CANNOT or aren’t allowed to do.

  5. “…and the employment of devices not known to have been used my Jesus. . . ” how did they get a web site up themselves without breaking this rule?

Comments are closed.