My Miserable Christmas

Merry Christmas!

When I was twelve years old, my grandfather choked to death on a piece of ham at our family’s Christmas dinner. My dad unsuccessfully tried to dislodge the meat from Grandpa’s throat with his fingers, then a spoon, but by the time the paramedics arrived, Grandpa was dead. My entire family was running around the house, screaming and crying, and my grandmother fainted. (We momentarily thought she had died, too.) Merry Christmas, indeed.

You Park Like an Asshole

My new favorite website.

Sick of a car taking up two spaces on the street? How about a car too close to yours? What about the car at the mall parked diagonally? Now you can do something about it. Simply download a notice and place it on the car’s windshield. The owner of the vehicle will be informed of their asshole staus as well as the proper tips to improve their poor parking techniques. It’s time to put an end to asshole parking, or at least to make fun of it.

(Thanks PVC)