Pastor Ted Wrapup

Looks like Pastor Ted has been officially fired for “sexual immoral conduct” (I guess doing something illegal like buying methamphetamines is ok) so we should see him going into rehab anyday now and reemerge a changed man, closer to god than ever before. Unless he was serious when he said this:

Ok Ted, should we still play by the bible’s rules?

So what is there to learn from Pastor Ted’s gaping hypocrisy? Mark Driscoll who is another evangelical was kind enough to post on his blog some tips for young pastors.

My suspicion is that as our culture becomes more sexually rebellious, things will only get worse. Therefore, as a means of encouragement, I would like to share some practical suggestions for fellow Christian leaders, especially young men:

Let it rip Mark.

Most pastors I know do not have satisfying, free, sexual conversations and liberties with their wives. At the risk of being even more widely despised than I currently am, I will lean over the plate and take one for the team on this. It is not uncommon to meet pastors’ wives who really let themselves go; they sometimes feel that because their husband is a pastor, he is therefore trapped into fidelity, which gives them cause for laziness. A wife who lets herself go and is not sexually available to her husband in the ways that the Song of Songs is so frank about is not responsible for her husband’s sin, but she may not be helping him either.

So blame your fat ugly wife for your indiscretions. Got it. Next one.

Pastors should have their office at the church and their study at home. There is no reason a pastor should be sitting alone at the church at odd hours (e.g., early morning and late evening) to study when anyone can drop in for any reason and have access to him…

Some years ago when I did not, I found that lonely people, some of them hurting single moms wanting a strong man to speak into their life, would show up to hang out and catch time with me.

Ok good one. Hide from your congregation so that they don’t accidentally fall onto your penis.

Pastors have the right to protect their own home. This means that if someone keeps dropping by unannounced and is unwelcome, or a flirtatious woman shows up to a Bible study at the pastor’s home, the pastor and his family have the right to request that they never return.

Hmmmm, seems to be more christian groupies out there than I thought.

Churches should consider returning to heterosexual male assistants who are like Timothy and Titus to serve alongside pastors. Too often the pastor’s assistant is a woman who, if not sexually involved, becomes too emotionally involved with the pastor as a sort of emotional and practical second wife. I have been blessed with a trustworthy heterosexual male assistant who can travel with me, meet with me, etc., without the fear of any temptations or even false allegations since we have beautiful wives and eight children between us.

I guess you get into trouble with the homosexual male assistants with their massages, methamphetamines and constant sodomy.

Pastors must not travel alone; the anonymity and fatigue of the road is too great a temptation for many men. A pastor should take his wife, an older child, an assistant, or fellow leader with him. If this cannot be afforded then travel should not be undertaken.

Have you noticed a theme here? Basically if a pastor isn’t around his heterosexual male assistants or fat ugly wife he should be chained to his crucifix deep in the bowels of his home office or he will become a whoring-mongering adulterating junkie sodomite like the good Pastor Ted.

And people still wonder why I’m an atheist…