Get Cynical

If I subscribe to your magazine, and you fill my first 2 issues to my yearly subscription with the last two months magazines, you deserve to be beaten savagely with your own rolled-up magazine. Thanks a ton for sending me magazines I already bought off the newsstand, you idiots.

One would think that saving a billion lives in developing countries, winning the Nobel Peace Prize, and being regarded in many parts of the world as among the leading Americans of this age would be enough to make someone a household name within America.

And yet, very few Americans would be able to say who Norman Borlaug is, leave alone list any of his groundbreaking accomplishments in solving the problems of world hunger.

Borlaug, now in his late eighties, is a plant breeder who was born in Iowa, in 1914. The vast majority of his professional life has been spent living and working in the developing countries of the world–Mexico, Pakistan, India, China, and most recently, regions of Africa.

Seemingly indefatigable, he still holds a position at Texas A&M, where he is Distinguished Professor in the Soil and Crop Sciences Department and teaches classes on occasion. He received the Nobel in 1970, primarily in recognition for his work in reversing the chronic food shortages suffered by India and Pakistan in the 1960s.

Dear Christopher,

I am writing because I fear we may have lost you as a customer.

Our records show that it’s been a while since your last visit to
Saturn with your 2004 Saturn Ion 2 SDN. This concerns me,
because, as you know, we take great pride in long term relationships
with our customers.

Have we done something to disappoint you?

Dear Saturn,

This letter is difficult for me to write because of all the good times we have had. I remember the day when I went to get my first inspection sticker for my car. You were compassionate, sweet, and had a nice sofa to sit on while waiting for my car to pass emissions. I will never forget it.

But I think it is time that I start seeing other dealers. To be honest, taking my picture while getting into my car for the first time was a bit weird and I felt as if you were coming on too strong. To make matters worse, when I was in getting my oil changed one day, I noticed a picture of me in this big binder with other new car owners. How long have you been selling other cars to people behind my back?

In closing, I hope we can still remain friends. I cherish the times we have shared and would hate to lose those memories. Oh, and my car just got recalled.

Sincerely,
Cynical-C

WWYS® generates outstanding returns for its customers by employing cutting-edge proprietary soul extraction, containment and suppression technologies, including but not limited to genetic modification, operant conditioning, and thought control. Our firm’s history is long and celebrated, and has allowed us to evolve a global influence in all aspects and at every level of society.

On September first 2004 I had visited 208 countries and territories, some on business but most for my pleasure. You can read about my adventures and see 7 400 photos and 200 maps of the 199 highlighted countries…

A rough sketch by Francis Crick showing his first impression of the DNA molecule has been released on the web.

The doodle, done on a scrap of A4 paper, provides the first hint of the famous double-helix structure of DNA.