Get Cynical

The idea behind Marry An American is simple: You have the power to rescue a progressive American from four more years of George W. Bush, should he be re-elected.

Americans, sick of the political climate of their homeland, have long sought refuge within Canadian borders. And let’s face it, when compared to the United States, Canada is a liberal utopia & we have universal healthcare (in two languages!), gay marriage, free marijuana for everyone, and we don’t like guns.

Due to the recent MIT study concerning data recovery from old hard drives, we decided that the only fool proof means of data removal was complete destruction of the disk platters.

We started with two hard drives that had failed for various reasons. The data on the disks was sensitive, like most personal data you will find on any random hard drive. We had considered various methods of destroying the data. These methods of destruction included: detonation, shooting with high calibre bullets, bulk magnetic eraser, grinding the platters, smashing the platters with a hammer. These methods would all thwart a novice data recovery party, but wouldn’t be 100% effective due to scanning tunneling microscope recovery techniques.

We finally decided that the only sure way to thwart data recovery was to melt down all the aluminum contained in the platters. Slagging the drive would have two effects on the medium. First off it would convert it from a readable disk to any shape we decided to pour it into. Secondly it would nullify the magnetic properties of the coated aluminum.

benchmark n. A measurement of a computer’s ability to do what no one will ever want it to do. Including you. And your manager.

beta release n. Still doesn’t work, but we need the revenue stream.

cubicle n. A space designed to prevent workers being distracted by the wonders of nature outside the window and make them concentrate on a 17″ flat panel display. At least there are plenty of porn sites.