Get Cynical

The whole of beliefs, knowledge and practices known as “the occult” could be with every reason regarded as the beginnings of the modern day sciences. Alchemy was the direct ancestor of chemistry, astrology the forerunner of astronomy, magnetism the predecessor of hypnotism; medicine evolved from magic, zoology from crude medieval bestiaries and mineralogy from primitive crystal mysticism. We can also trace many of the early processes of philosophy, psychology and theology to these same unorthodox roots.

Scientists at the United States National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) have turned their attention from the mysteries of the cosmos to a more esoteric area of research: what happens when you get a spider stoned.

Their experiments have shown that common house spiders spin their webs in different ways according to the psychotropic drug they have been given. Spiders on marijuana made a reasonable stab at spinning webs but appeared to lose concentration about half-way through. Those on Benzedrine – “speed” – spin their webs “with great gusto, but apparently without much planning leaving large holes”, according to New Scientist magazine.

Caffeine, one of the most common drugs consumed by Britons in soft drinks, tea and coffee, makes spiders incapable of spinning anything better than a few threads strung together at random. On chloral hydrat, an ingredient of sleeping pills, spiders “drop off before they even get started”.